Skype trouble
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Conference Call Anatomy™
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Skype trouble
/skaɪp ˈtrʌbl/ (n.)
An internationally recognised defence to conference call ambush, frequently used by the Stierscheißkünstler as an incompetence cloaking device.
It is a common-enough scenario: some consultant has been warbling on about cost-cutting metrics for 45 minutes, you’ve drifted off completely and are searching Amazon for electric shaver lubricant[1] and the question presently occupying your mind is “can I use sewing machine oil because that is, like, way cheaper” when the consultant rounds on you with a specific, direct and (for all you know) perfectly sensible question that only you can answer. You have to buy time; “sorry, I was on mute” only delays the inevitable because while it excuses your silence it will not excuse your lack of attention to the call.
“Sorry, Skype trouble. My audio is playing up a bit” works a lot better.
This gambit offers three distinct advantages over the “muter”:
- (1) It means you have not heard the question, obliging the assailant to patiently repeat it, thereby (should you happen to have the first idea what he is talking about — unusual, but not inconceivable) saving your bacon.
- (2) The “muter” buys only enough time to scramble for your mouse, wake up the screen and open your mic. Skype problems, on the other hand, have indefinite duration — you have as much time as you like to gather yourself, and perhaps even launch a Crazy Ivan counterattack — and they are famously persistent. Just because you have been able to report your condition by no means you have cured it.
- (3) This offers a third benefit, valuable especially for the bona fide bullshit artist who in fact heard the question perfectly well, but has no clue in the world how to answer it. He can disconnect the call and blame it on the internet.
See also
References
- ↑ Real-life example, needless to say.