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{{a|confcall|}}Continuing our theme of submarine warfare, another rare but, among the cognoscenti highly-prized, technique is the [[depth charge]]. ''Rare'', because you will only see this when an [[all-hands conference call]] has taken the sort of turn for the worse<ref>Which may, but need not be, a [[crazy Ivan|hard-left turn at the bottom of the hour]].</ref> that most experienced [[conference call]] convenors can easily avoid<ref>Viz., by keeping any matters of controversy or substance off the agenda in the first place.</ref> | {{a|confcall| | ||
[[File:Depth charge.jpg|450px|thumb|center|A [[conference call]] about to go awry, yesterday.]] | |||
}}Continuing our theme of submarine warfare,<ref>The [[JC]] is indebted to his friend Mr. N for suggesting this entry.</ref> another rare but, among the cognoscenti highly-prized, technique is the [[depth charge]]. ''Rare'', because you will only see this when an [[all-hands conference call]] has taken the sort of turn for the worse<ref>Which may, but need not be, a [[crazy Ivan|hard-left turn at the bottom of the hour]].</ref> that most experienced [[conference call]] convenors can easily avoid:<ref>Viz., by keeping any matters of controversy or substance off the agenda in the first place.</ref> [[as any fule kno]], a [[conference call]] is no place to raise anything of significance to which you don’t already know the answer. | |||
Anyway, a [[depth charge]]: That critical deal approval committee has turned into a shit-show. The presenter — a junior on the deal team, hoping forlornly for a promotion he will never now get — is unprepared, transparently does not understand {{sex|his}} deal and, to boot<ref>''Das Boot'', needless to say.</ref> | Anyway, a [[depth charge]]: That critical deal approval committee has turned into a shit-show. The presenter — a junior on the deal team, hoping forlornly for a promotion he will never now get — is unprepared, transparently does not understand {{sex|his}} deal and, to boot,<ref>''Das Boot'', needless to say.</ref> has committed that mortal error of not warming up the [[Control function|controller group]] who are due to hear {{sex|his}} application. Further, the guy from Treasury legal, cantankerous on a good day, got out the wrong side of bed this morning and is of a mood to make an example out of young sir in front of his superiors. | ||
The young fellow proceeds and, in the face of the most innocuous questioning from [[Compliance]], limply descends into a stuttering chaos of implausible suppositions and patent fabrications, punctuated by awkward pauses during the last of which a distant voice is picked up an a someone’s microphone — whose, we cannot say<ref>This is getting harder to mask in the age of [[Skype problems|Skype]], sadly.</ref> | The young fellow proceeds and, in the face of the most innocuous questioning from [[Compliance]], limply descends into a stuttering chaos of implausible suppositions and patent fabrications, punctuated by awkward pauses during the last of which a distant voice is picked up an a someone’s microphone — whose, we cannot say.<ref>This is getting harder to mask in the age of [[Skype problems|Skype]], sadly.</ref> The voice is quiet, but clear, and sounding as though it has come from a mouth turned from the handset in a tone of surreptition. | ||
It says: “Man this deal is a piece of shit.” | It says: “Man, this deal is such a piece of shit.” | ||
Sir Jerrold Baxter-Morley, [[Managing director|MD]] of the deal team, who till this point has been googling real estate in St. Moritz, wakes up and explodes in a beetroot-faced, bulge-eyed squawk of outrage: this is his deal, he’s in it for his client and old Eton school-chum Buffer Montague, now a restaurateur and sometime [[introducing broker]] in the Middle East. | [[Sir Jerrold Baxter-Morley, Q.C.|Sir Jerrold Baxter-Morley]], [[Managing director|MD]] of the deal team, who till this point has been googling real estate in St. Moritz, wakes up and explodes in a beetroot-faced, bulge-eyed squawk of outrage: this is his deal, he’s in it for his client and old Eton school-chum Buffer Montague, now a restaurateur and sometime [[introducing broker]] in the Middle East. | ||
“Who said that? WHO SAID THAT!?” | “Who said that? WHO SAID THAT!?” | ||
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But there is no reply: just another awkward pause. But, by means of something that, all will later protest, may have been serendipitous background dealing-floor banter, the damage is done. The remark has articulated only what every controller was quietly thinking, and it fortifies them in their opposition. The deal is destined for a watery grave, thousands of leagues below the Atlantic shipping channel it was meant to finance. | But there is no reply: just another awkward pause. But, by means of something that, all will later protest, may have been serendipitous background dealing-floor banter, the damage is done. The remark has articulated only what every controller was quietly thinking, and it fortifies them in their opposition. The deal is destined for a watery grave, thousands of leagues below the Atlantic shipping channel it was meant to finance. | ||
{{ | {{sa}} | ||
*[[Crazy Ivan]] | *[[Crazy Ivan]] | ||
*[[All-hands conference call]] | *[[All-hands conference call]] | ||
*The [[Apocryphal Goldman story]] | |||
{{ref}} | {{ref}} |