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|'''''Title''''' | |||
{{ | |'''''What it means''''' | ||
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| | |colspan="2"|'''Section A: Bullshit artists''' | ||
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| | |||
|'''Bullshit artists''' | |||
|''[[Thought leader]]'' | |''[[Thought leader]]'' | ||
| | |Git. | ||
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|''Digital prophet'' | |''[[Digital prophet]]'' | ||
|[[Thought leader]]. | |[[Thought leader]]. | ||
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|''Keynote speaker'' | |''Keynote speaker'' | ||
|[[Thought leader]]. | |[[Thought leader]]. | ||
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|''Lateral Thinker'' | |''Lateral Thinker'' | ||
|Unable to follow a sustained argument or complex syllogism. Prone to random outbursts. | |Unable to follow a sustained argument or complex syllogism. Prone to random outbursts. | ||
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|''Futurist'' | |''Futurist'' | ||
|Dullard and liar (unless literally a | |Dullard and liar (unless ''literally'' a clairvoyant, in which case this is market standard puffery) | ||
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|''Privileged to be leading customer-focused teams in an exciting network-centric IT services market'' | |''Privileged to be leading customer-focused teams in an exciting network-centric IT services market'' | ||
| | |Either ''actually'' a GPT4 [[chatbot]], or possessor of a job description written by one. | ||
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|''Speaker · Author · Mentor · Catalyst · Facilitator · Rebel '' | |''Speaker · Author · Mentor · Catalyst · Facilitator · Rebel '' | ||
|The [[ | |The [[thought leader]]’s [[thought leader]] | ||
| | {{aligntop}} | ||
|''Award-winning Executive Leader Focused on Streamlining Processes,Driving Revenues, And Leading High-Performing Teams. | | ''Futurist · Visionary Consultant · Quantitative Futurism · Authentic Innovation · Be the Architect of Your Future'' | ||
|Reads a page of the dictionary before his tai chi and ice bath. Apparently hasn’t made it to “[[cognitive dissonance]]” yet. | | God knows, but imagine getting stuck in a lift with this guy. Then again, [[Spartan if|if]] he is as good as his word, this is not likely to happen since being a futurist he should have anticipated it. So, come to think of it, an ''excellent'' guy to get into a lift with. | ||
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|'''Lifers from personnel''' | |''Award-winning Executive Leader Focused on Streamlining Processes, Driving Revenues, And Leading High-Performing Teams. Currently open to job opportunities at vice president level. (He/Him)'' | ||
|Reads a page of the dictionary before his tai chi and ice bath at dawn each day. Apparently hasn’t made it to “[[cognitive dissonance]]” yet. | |||
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|''Real Estate Broker who Specialises in Making the Impossible Possible'' | |||
| Liar and fantasist. Hopefully not also an architect or building engineer. | |||
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| ''Leading the Digital Transformation of Economy'' | |||
| Possibly the Prime Minister? Not even ''The'' Economy? Alternatively, works for an airline, figuring out whether passengers in coach can [[WFH]]. | |||
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|colspan="2"|'''Section B: Lifers from personnel''' | |||
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|''Director of [[talent acquisition]]'' | |''Director of [[talent acquisition]]'' | ||
|In [[personnel]]. | |In [[personnel]]. | ||
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|''Director of [[diversity and inclusion]]'' | |''Director of [[diversity and inclusion]]'' | ||
|In [[personnel]]. | |In [[personnel]]. Caucasian, affluent, male, can spot a bandwagon at 200 yards, is adept at [[virtue-signalling]] and spends most of day tweeting shameless corporate speak. | ||
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|''Global Head of Client Experience, [[HR]] Business [[Partner]]ing & Leadership, Learning, [[Talent]] and [[Culture]], [[COO]]'' | |''Global Head of Client Experience, [[HR]] Business [[Partner]]ing & Leadership, Learning, [[Talent]] and [[Culture]], [[COO]]'' | ||
|In [[personnel]]. ''See also'' “[[Thought leader]]”. ''And'' “[[COO]]”, ''for that matter''. | |In [[personnel]]. ''See also'' “[[Thought leader]]”. ''And'' “[[COO]]”, ''for that matter''. | ||
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|'''The unemployed, and soon-to-be-unemployed''' | |colspan="2"|'''Section C: The temporarily employed, unemployed, and soon-to-be-unemployed''' | ||
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|''Executive coach'' | |||
|Recently made redundant from an [[operations]] role. Unable to find work contracting. | |||
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|''[[Intrapreneur]]'' | |''[[Intrapreneur]]'' | ||
|Shortly to be embarking on a new career as an executive coach but hasn’t realised it yet. | |Shortly to be embarking on a new career as an executive coach but hasn’t realised it yet. | ||
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|''[[Entrepreneur]]'' | |''[[Entrepreneur]]'' | ||
|Used to be a [[managing director]] in [[sales]], until the bottom of the barrel [[whacked]] her, literally, on the arse. Necessity is the mother of invention, right? | |Used to be a [[managing director]] in [[sales]], until the bottom of the barrel [[whacked]] her, literally, on the arse. Necessity is the mother of invention, right? | ||
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|''[[Serial entrepreneur]]'' | |''[[Serial entrepreneur]]'' | ||
|Unemployable fantasist. | |Unemployable fantasist. | ||
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|''Angel investor '' | |''Angel investor'' | ||
|Recently, belatedly, made [[redundant]] from an [[middle management]] role. | |Recently, belatedly, made [[redundant]] from an [[middle management]] role. | ||
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|''Experienced [[financial services professional]]'' | |''Experienced [[financial services professional]]'' | ||
|Recently made redundant from an | |Recently made redundant from an [[operation]]s role. In process of resigning themselves to a life of contracting, but not quite cool with it yet. | ||
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|''Board-level legal advisor'' | |''Board-level legal advisor'' | ||
|Recently laid off from a [[law firm]] after a long and defiant career in [[knowledge management]]. Still in denial about employment prospects but coming round to signing up for Axiom. | |Recently laid off from a [[law firm]] after a long and defiant career in [[knowledge management]]. Still in denial about employment prospects but coming round to signing up for Axiom. | ||
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|''[[Founder and CEO]]'' | |''[[Founder and CEO]]'' | ||
|Recently | |Recently laid off from an [[operations]] role. Now contracting. | ||
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|''Digital Thought and Program Leader running large [[end-to-end]] digital programs across multiple geographies.'' | |''Digital Thought and Program Leader running large [[end-to-end]] digital programs across multiple geographies.'' | ||
|Got laid off from a [[Service line|service-line]] role in [[operations]] at Fuji Bank. Now [[Founder and CEO]] of a [[ | |Got laid off from a [[Service line|service-line]] role in [[operations]] at Fuji Bank. Now [[Founder and CEO]] of a [[legaltech entrepreneur|legaltech start-up]]. | ||
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|'' | |''[[Results-driven]] executive with [[proven track record]] of success in programme management'' | ||
|Fish-food aspirant. Probably in the digestive system of a carp somewhere. It is all for the best. It was a mercy killing. | |Fish-food aspirant. Probably in the digestive system of a carp somewhere. It is all for the best. It was a mercy killing. | ||
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|''Experienced senior operations director with [[proven track record]]'' | |''Experienced senior operations director with [[proven track record]]'' | ||
|Yet, here you are, “interested to hear of any opportunities. Will even consider contracting.” | |Yet, here you are, “interested to hear of any opportunities. Will even consider contracting.” #OpenToWork | ||
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|'' | |''#OpenToWork [[and/or]] [Desperately] seeking new opportunities in ...'' | ||
|Possessed of charming candour but no common sense at all. ''Never'' admit you are out of work. | |Possessed of charming candour but no common sense at all. ''Never'' admit you are out of work. | ||
| | {{aligntop}} | ||
|'''Miscellaneous''' | |''[[Workstream lead]]'' | ||
| | | {{workstream lead capsule}} | ||
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|colspan="2"|'''Section D: Miscellaneous''' | |||
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|''Web developer '' | |||
|Invented the Internet. | |||
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|''[[Derivatives]] [[onboarding]] specialist'' | |''[[Derivatives]] [[onboarding]] specialist'' | ||
|School leaver from Gdansk, seeking fortune in Krakow. | |School leaver from Gdansk, seeking fortune in Krakow. | ||
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|''Social media advisor'' | |''Social media advisor'' | ||
|(1) obsessed with twitter/instagram to the point of believing it a bona-fide commercial utility. <br>(2) (Ergo) | |(1) obsessed with twitter/instagram to the point of believing it a bona-fide commercial utility. <br>(2) (Ergo) git. | ||
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|'' Best-selling author of... '' | |'' Best-selling author of... '' | ||
|Greetings dear kind sir/madam I self publish my book i sincerely pray it will change your ''[I mean '''my''']'' life. ''[It won’t. (Either of them).]'' Please review it on Amazon. I salute you thanks you!!! (''[[sic]]'') | |Greetings dear kind sir/madam I self publish my book i sincerely pray it will change your ''[I mean '''my''']'' life. ''[It won’t. (Either of them).]'' Please review it on Amazon. I salute you thanks you!!! (''[[sic]]'') | ||
|- | {{aligntop}} | ||
|''[[Passionate]] about supporting and developing people in a way that is meaningful for them. Available immediately.'' | |||
| What. Just what. At a guess, underwear salesperson or photo lab assistant. Glass half-full type, anyways. | |||
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|''Facilitator, soul coach & channel at awakening lawyers'' | |||
| Laxative? Clairvoyant? Alarm Clock? Guessing here. | |||
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| ''NFT missionary • Demystifying Web3 and guiding founders on their journey • GameFi • Meta • DeFi Educator • changing the world'' | |||
| Dropped on head, or deprived of oxygen at birth, but has more than made up for it and is presently wasting perfectly good lung fulls of the stuff. Mouth breather. | |||
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