The Magicians (Book): Difference between revisions

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! Original !! Rewrite !!  Comment
! Original !! Rewrite !!  Comment
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| Quentin did a magic trick. Nobody noticed. || ||  
| Quentin did a magic trick. Nobody noticed. || Nobody noticed Quentin’s magic trick.||
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|They picked their way along the cold, uneven sidewalk together: James, Julia, and Quentin. James and Julia held hands. That’s how things were now. The sidewalk wasn’t quite wide enough, so Quentin trailed after them, like a sulky child. He would rather have been alone with Julia, or just alone period, but you couldn’t have everything. Or at least the available evidence pointed overwhelmingly to that conclusion. || ||
|They picked their way along the cold, uneven sidewalk together: James, Julia, and Quentin. James and Julia held hands. That’s how things were now. The sidewalk wasn’t quite wide enough, so Quentin trailed after them, like a sulky child. He would rather have been alone with Julia, or just alone period, but you couldn’t have everything. Or at least the available evidence pointed overwhelmingly to that conclusion. || James and Julia held hands and picked their way along the narrow sidewalk. Quentin sulked along behind them.
So, that’s how it was now. He would rather have been alone with Julia, or just ''alone'', but Quentin was getting used to not getting his own way.
| Wasteful with words. The puinchline about the overwhelming evidence is weak.
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|“Okay!” James said over his shoulder. “Q. Let’s talk strategy.” James seemed to have a sixth sense for when Quentin was starting to feel sorry for himself. Quentin’s interview was in seven minutes. || ||  
|“Okay!” James said over his shoulder. “Q. Let’s talk strategy.” James seemed to have a sixth sense for when Quentin was starting to feel sorry for himself. Quentin’s interview was in seven minutes. || ||  

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