Stay here and make sure he doesn’t leave
From that fabulous guide to the absurdities of modern life, Monty Python and the Holy Grail:
If you have worked for any time in a large organisation and not noticed that every conversation bears some kind of resemblance to this, that means YOU ARE THE GUARD:
- King: Guards!! Make sure the prince doesn't leave this room until I come and get him.
First Guard: Not to leave the room... even if you come and get him.
King: No, no. Until I come and get him.
First Guard: Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room.
King: No, no, no. You stay in the room, and make sure he doesn't leave.
First Guard: And you'll come and get him.
King: Right.
First Guard: We don't need to do anything, apart from just stop him entering the room.
King: No, no. Leaving the room.
First Guard: Leaving the room, yes.
King: All right?
First Guard: Right. Oh, if, if, if, uh, if, if, uh, if, if, if, we... oh, if... oh...
King: Look, it's quite simple. You just stay here, and make sure he doesn't leave the room. All right?
First Guard: Oh, I remember, uh, can he leave the room with us?
King: No, no, no, no, you just keep him in here, and make sure...
First Guard: Oh yeah, we'll keep him in here, obviously, but if he had to leave, and we were with him...
King: No, just keep him in here...
First Guard: Until you, or anyone else...
King: No, not anyone else. Just me.
First Guard: Just you.
King: Get back.
First Guard: Get back.
King: All right?
First Guard: Right, we'll stay here until you get back.
King: And make sure he doesn't leave.
First Guard: What?
King: Make sure he doesn't leave.
First Guard: The prince?
King: Yes, make sure he doesn't leave.
First Guard: Oh, yes, of course.
First Guard points at Second Guard: I thought you meant him. You know, it seemed a bit daft me I were to guard him when he's a guard.
King: Is that clear?
First Guard: Oh, quite clear. No problems.
King: Right.
King turns to leave the room, both guards follow him
King: Where are you going?
First Guard: We're coming with you.
King: No, no, no. I want you to stay here and make sure he doesn't leave.
First Guard: Oh, I see. Right.
(continued on p.94)