Legal eagle: Difference between revisions

From The Jolly Contrarian
Jump to navigation Jump to search
← Older editNewer edit →
VisualWikitext
No edit summary
Tags: Mobile edit Mobile web edit
No edit summary
Line 1: Line 1:
{{a|g|[[File:Legal eagle.jpg|450px|thumb|center|A [[chicken licken|legal eagle]] yesterday]]}}A well-meant but still derogatory means of addressing the [[legal department]], used by junior [[sales]] people in the sincere but mistaken belief it will ward off, and not compound, the acute resentment the [[legal department]] has for them.
{{a|g|[[File:Legal eagle.jpg|450px|thumb|center|A [[chicken licken|legal eagle]] yesterday]]}}A well-meant but still derogatory way to address the [[legal department]], used by junior [[sales]]people in the sincere but mistaken belief it will ward off, and not compound, the resentment that department has for them.


For example:
For example:


:“Hi [[Legal Eagles]]!!  
:“Hi [[Legal Eagles]]!!  
:Can you turn around this [[tsht]] for me by COB?
:Can you turn around this [[tsht]] for me by [[COB]]?
:[[Thx]]”
:[[Thx]]”


Ghastly, isn’t it? Extra-galling when uttered by a newly-migrated [[structurer]] who, a few short days ago, worked, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, loved and was himself a beloved member of the legal team.<ref>You could continue to wax Wilfred Owenesque, for young sir will, with horrifying speed, find himself quite'' un''belovèd by his ''alma mater''. They will regard him with the same fondness remaining members of MI6 — the ones who weren’t betrayed and murdered by a filthy double-crosser — have for Kim Philby. This will not be helped by being called [[legal eagle]]s.</ref>
Ghastly, isn’t it? More so when uttered by a newly-migrated [[structurer]] who, a few short days ago, worked, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, loved and was himself a beloved member of the legal team.<ref>You could continue to wax Wilfred Owenesque for young sir will, with horrifying speed, find himself quite'' un''belovèd by his ''alma mater''. They will regard him with the same fondness remaining members of MI6 — the ones who weren’t betrayed and murdered by a filthy double-crosser — have for Kim Philby. This will not be helped by being called [[legal eagle]]s.</ref>


The legal eagle, genus [[Chicken licken|''lingebant ulcera pullum'']] is flightless member of the chicken family. It is mainly harmless and lays nice nest-eggs.
The [[legal eagle]], genus [[Chicken licken|''lingebant ulcera pullum'']] is flightless member of the chicken family. It is mainly harmless and lays nice nest-eggs. [[Legal eagle]]s can be captive — they flourish in glorified coops called “[[law firm]]s” — or they can be released in the wild, where, if they can cultivate appropriate camouflage, they can flourish in grassy [[bank]]s and [[hedge fund|hedge]]rows. Whatever their habitat, more than anything else [[legal eagle]]s fear being blind-sided by the very language in which they ply their trade: English.  
 
Legal eagles can be captive — they flourish in glorified coops — or released in the wild, where if t can cultivate a suitable camouflage, they can flourish in grassy banks and fulsome hedge fundrows.  
 
One trained in the law, genus ''[[causidicus mediocris]]'', whose principle fear is being blind-sided by the very language — English — in which {{sex|she}} must ply her trade. Such individuals are uniquely susceptible to [[Schwarzschild radii]]. When you press her why she must so persistently desecrate her calling, she will tell you this:  
 
“My drafting may be convoluted, but it is effective: It must be, for we haven’t had any [[litigation]] on it.”
 
If you have the patience, this is the time to wheel out your pre-prepared joke:
 
{{box|
===The standard issue drafting joke===
 
“Did you know”, you say, “that, for a disguise, [[elephant]]s paint the soles of their feet yellow, and hide upside-down in custard?” <br>
“Why, that’s preposterous!”<br>
“Aha! but have you ever ''seen'' an [[elephant]] hiding upside-down in custard?”<br>
“No, of course not!”<br>
“SHOWS WHAT A GOOD DISGUISE IT IS.”<br>}}
 
Walk proudly away. Your work is done. Of course it won’t make a blind bit of difference, but you may feel better.
 
All lawyers are philosophers; good lawyers are just bad ones. Bad lawyers are worse. They have nothing on philosophers, though, who are terrible lawyers. The pits.


{{Sa}}
{{Sa}}

Revision as of 14:37, 29 November 2019

The Jolly Contrarian’s Glossary
The snippy guide to financial services lingo.™
A legal eagle yesterday
Index — Click the ᐅ to expand:
Glossary

Tell me more
Sign up for our newsletter — or just get in touch: for ½ a weekly 🍺 you get to consult JC. Ask about it here.

A well-meant but still derogatory way to address the legal department, used by junior salespeople in the sincere but mistaken belief it will ward off, and not compound, the resentment that department has for them.

For example:

“Hi Legal Eagles!!
Can you turn around this tsht for me by COB?
Thx”

Ghastly, isn’t it? More so when uttered by a newly-migrated structurer who, a few short days ago, worked, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, loved and was himself a beloved member of the legal team.[1]

The legal eagle, genus lingebant ulcera pullum is flightless member of the chicken family. It is mainly harmless and lays nice nest-eggs. Legal eagles can be captive — they flourish in glorified coops called “law firms” — or they can be released in the wild, where, if they can cultivate appropriate camouflage, they can flourish in grassy banks and hedgerows. Whatever their habitat, more than anything else legal eagles fear being blind-sided by the very language in which they ply their trade: English.

See also

References

  1. ↑ You could continue to wax Wilfred Owenesque for young sir will, with horrifying speed, find himself quite unbelovèd by his alma mater. They will regard him with the same fondness remaining members of MI6 — the ones who weren’t betrayed and murdered by a filthy double-crosser — have for Kim Philby. This will not be helped by being called legal eagles.
Retrieved from "https://jollycontrarian.com/index.php?title=Legal_eagle&oldid=35018"