Results-driven
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Crappy advice you find on LinkedIn™
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The accountants’ favourite chocolatier,[1] Marc de Marquette, tells us:
“Marc is driven by results and no better way for him to demonstrate his excellence than winning awards for his creations and his clients.”
Not to pick on Marc — some bored copyrighter most likely put those words in his mouth, and look: he’s a chocolate guy, not a marketing guy — but we wonder what he, or any of the dreary multitudes driven to apply this sodden phrase in self-description on their LinkedIn profiles — can possibly mean. How can one be propelled by the expected outcome of one’s propulsion? This is surely to put the cart before the horse.
Motivated by the hope of good ones, perhaps — who isn’t? — but then what results should a chocolatier expect, other than chocolate? “Awards for chocolate” seems to be the rhetorical reply.
Given that a result, of some kind, is the thermodynamic expectation of every application of force to object, however ill-advised, we wonder what folks think they are establishing when they claim to be “results-driven”. The captain of the Hindenburg got results, after all. So did the deputy chief engineer at Chernobyl. And Dick Fuld. Just not particularly good ones.
So unless your industry is to distinguish yourself from those who work at the firm but have no discernible impact on its operation at all, good or bad — in fairness, that’s most of them — then you might want to put something a little more specific in your bio. And if you can’t — well: are you having a discernible impact?
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References
- ↑ And our second favourite chocolatier, after our own in-house chocolatiers, Les Frères Maple, who are special, seeing as we made them up.