|The Jolly Contrarian’s Dictionary |
The snippy guide to financial services lingo.™
Boredom heat-death /ˈbɔːdəm hiːt dɛθ/ (n.)
1. (Of the universe): A plausible ultimate fate for all of creation is that it is to be entirely consumed by flannel, such that the universe itself collapses into a state of irretrievable confusion entropy, and theend of daysis upon us. This will not be a bang, nor even a whimper, but just a gentle settling into a state of inanimacy. The event horizon — a point of no return — may well be something innocuous like a virtual webinar about the impact on LIBOR remediation of the EMIR refit, such that we may not notice it happening and, indeed, it may already have.
2. (Of commerce): A state in which all commercial activity has been vanquished by disclaimers, boilerplate, and flannel — arrived at by means of a series of weekly all-hands conference calls — such that confusion has approached its asymptotic maximum and there is a state of zero free thermodynamic creative energy. Commerce is no longer sustainable and collapses into a state of complete ennui.
There is a school of thought that the boredom heat death of the universe was only narrowly avoided during the implementation of the securities financing transaction regulations when a cartel of well-meaning industry associations and their respective legal working groups jointly produced a fifteen page, 5,000 word document explaining the concept of title transfer.
To this day, financial institutions around Europe have whole departments whose only function is to send SFTR disclosures to each other. Once a year, at Christmas, their email batteries fall silent and they meet atop the trenches for a game of football in No-Man’s Land.