Lehman

From The Jolly Contrarian
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A Lehman employee yesterday.

No such thing. Are you looking for the Amish hardware store?

Actually, Lehman is a thing, and it drifts on like nosferatu, the un-dead, still spreading its influence over everything we do in a way that its bodily manifestation in life was plainly unable to. MF Global has a similar effect, though there, memories fade. We are but mortal.

For Lehman is a risk controller’s magic incantation — a hex, a horcrux, a way of killing lively debate stone dead in its tracks. For any new initiative, any pragmatic proposal to do things in a smarter way, can be derailed by oblique reference to the sad demise of Lehman brothers, however irrelevant it may be. For, as we all know, the sky fell in on Lehman’s head because it tried to standardize its business and create robust operational flows that didn't involve credit sitting on cross default escalations for three weeks.

Similarly, opposing counsel will resist any stroke of your pen against their mangled syntax on the solemn, but unelucidated, pretext that they “lived through the Lehman administration” — look, let’s face facts, campers: the Lehman collapse was hardly some prisoner-of-war chain-gang on Burma railway for our learned friends — and therefore the record must state, in legal triplicates, the obvious truism that time being of the essence shall not vitiate applicable contractual grace periods, and under no circumstances could an appeal to the common sense, pragmatism or basic skills of in formal logic of those on the bench be countenanced to see that proposition through.

Had only its credit team been allowed to vacillate nervously for weeks upon end about whether to waive Credit Event Upon Merger for Hedge fund clients, Lehman might still be with us today.

See also