Chicken Licken

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The Jolly Contrarian’s Glossary

The snippy guide to financial services lingo.™

Chicken Licken, yesterday

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Once upon a time, an acorn fell on Chicken Licken’s head. Being legally qualified and rightly concerned about the risk that this would be recharacterised as evidence that the sky was falling, Chicken Licken rushed off at once to warn the King[1]. On her journey, Chicken Licken met other dumb animals whom she persuaded title transfer collateral arrangements might be recharacterised as secured loans, credit derivatives as insurance contracts, and synthetic PB as cash equity, and that a client’s insolvency administrator might cherry-pick their out-of-the-money derivative positions and before long the legal department numbered 400 and had an annual spend of £800m.

But they all ran into a fox who duped them all to rush into its lair, where it ate them all up.

The nervy animals never made it to the King, who remained blissfully unaware of the impending collapse of the sky. In the mean time, he was making a small fortune trading delta-one equity derivatives until one day the tide came disobediently in and drowned him.[2]

The standard issue drafting joke, chicken-licken edition

“Did you know that, for a disguise, elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow, and hide upside-down in custard?”
Trouble me not with such nonsense.”
“But have you ever seen an elephant hiding upside-down in custard?”
“No —”
“SHOWS WHAT A GOOD DISGUISE IT IS.”

On the other hand

Arthur Andersen. If you need any more explanation of this, you really haven’t being paying attention in the last 15 years.

See also

References

  1. In this alternative universe, the King was predisposed to heed warnings from neurotic domestic animals.
  2. Moral of the story: Brexit means Brexit.