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{{a|confcall|}}A [[meeting]] is what happens when a colleague unilaterally asserts that ''his'' agenda is more important than yours. Though, of course, meetings ''can'' be benign and even fruitful — few of history’s monsters have been wholly without redeeming feature — convening a meeting is a profoundly political act and, however well-intended, most of what goes on in them has a starkly political aspect. | |||
Meetings are thus best avoided, and any adept [[survivor]] will have developed detailed tactics for doing so. Like [[meeting avoidance tactics|these ones]]. | |||
{{ | Like a [[conference call]], only without phones, it’s much harder (though not impossible, depending on how brazen you are) to [[multi-task]], and impossible to go on [[Sorry, I was on mute|mute]]. | ||
“Important” meetings are often stewarded by a functionary from the [[COO]] office — a “[[project manager]]” or “[[workstream lead]]” —who gets to watch the the grisly proceedings up close, occasionally twisting the knife with an “innocent” question<ref>{{maxim|On a conference call, there are no innocent questions}}. There are ''stupid'' questions, ''leading'' questions and ''trick'' questions.</ref> or even going full [[Crazy Ivan]]. | |||
Although nominally no more than a court clerk, a “[[PM]]” can skew their role to resemble one of the master’s attack dogs. Depending on the disposition of that [[chairperson|person chairing the meeting]], it can, therefore, be quite the cat-bird seat: rather like walking around the rim of a volcano in one of those big silver spaceman suits watching everyone else in tee-shirts and flip-flops hopping about trying to dodge flying magma. | |||
Never, ever, to be described as a “[[meet]]”. “Meets” happen in swimming pools and on running tracks. | |||
{{sa}} | |||
*[[Meeting avoidance tactics]] | |||
*[[Crazy Ivan]] | |||
*[[Meet]] | *[[Meet]] | ||
*[[All-hands conference call]] | *[[All-hands conference call]] | ||
{{ref}} | |||
Latest revision as of 15:10, 5 February 2021
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Conference Call Anatomy™
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A meeting is what happens when a colleague unilaterally asserts that his agenda is more important than yours. Though, of course, meetings can be benign and even fruitful — few of history’s monsters have been wholly without redeeming feature — convening a meeting is a profoundly political act and, however well-intended, most of what goes on in them has a starkly political aspect.
Meetings are thus best avoided, and any adept survivor will have developed detailed tactics for doing so. Like these ones.
Like a conference call, only without phones, it’s much harder (though not impossible, depending on how brazen you are) to multi-task, and impossible to go on mute.
“Important” meetings are often stewarded by a functionary from the COO office — a “project manager” or “workstream lead” —who gets to watch the the grisly proceedings up close, occasionally twisting the knife with an “innocent” question[1] or even going full Crazy Ivan.
Although nominally no more than a court clerk, a “PM” can skew their role to resemble one of the master’s attack dogs. Depending on the disposition of that person chairing the meeting, it can, therefore, be quite the cat-bird seat: rather like walking around the rim of a volcano in one of those big silver spaceman suits watching everyone else in tee-shirts and flip-flops hopping about trying to dodge flying magma.
Never, ever, to be described as a “meet”. “Meets” happen in swimming pools and on running tracks.
See also
References
- ↑ On a conference call, there are no innocent questions. There are stupid questions, leading questions and trick questions.