Shall

A verb that seems so safe - so forensic - fusty, old-fashioned, goodie-two-shoes - but yet tantalisingly vague.

It's vague in that “shall” can be an airily floated aspiration of future — “I say,” said Jenkins, absent-mindedly knocking out his pipe on a passing child’s head, “I do believe I shall go to the theatre tonight!” — but just as easily can be a stentorian direction to an underling or contractual counterparty to carry out a binding duty: “You shall do the dishes, young lady, and you shall do them NOW”.

Lawyers like the latter, and spray it around like they're standing behind a Gatling gun. But here's the problem. Conjugation.

Airily floated future aspiration	Stentorian command
I shall You will He she or it will We shall You will They will	I will You shall He she or it shall We will You shall They shall

If, in other words, you’re going to be a dick about it, then you have to be careful which you mean, especially if you are one of these new age folk who like to write contracts in the first and second person. There again, if you’re one of those you’re most likely not to be using shall in the first place, because must or will will do, and they won’t make you sound like quite such an egg.

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