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{{Quote|'''NO BALLOONS.''' <br>Balloons are not permitted on these station premises. <br><small>Please speak to a member of station staff for further information. </small><br>
{{Quote|'''NO BALLOONS.''' <br>Balloons are not permitted on these station premises. <br><small>Please speak to a member of station staff for further information. </small><br>
:::Network Rail: ''Working for you''.}}
:::Network Rail: ''Working for you''.}}
Now there are many things you can imagine that the proprietor of a rail terminus might not like brought onto its premises. Some its health & safety team might feel strongly about: Snakes, for example. Crocodiles. Explosives. Undomesticated grazing livestock.
Now there are many things you can imagine that the proprietor of a rail terminus might not like brought onto its premises.


Then there are those which might upset tenants and concession-holders: a rickshaw coffee vendor who cycles in and sets up on the platform concourse. That kind of thing.  
Some its Health & Safety Executive might feel strongly about: Snakes. Crocodiles. Explosives. Undomesticated grazing livestock.  


Then there those articles which, while posing no immediate danger to life, limb or the profitability of stall-holders, could be disruptive enough to the orderly functioning of the station: megaphones. The playing of cricket. Madrigal groups. Boomerangs. Stink-bombs.  
Some might upset tenants and concession-holders: a mobile coffee vendor who cycles his rickshaw in and sets up on the platform concourse: that kind of thing.
 
Some, while posing no immediate danger to life, limb or the profitability of stall-holders, could be disruptive to the orderly functioning of the station: megaphones. The playing of cricket. Madrigal groups. Boomerangs. Stink-bombs.  


Yet nowhere in the grounds of Liverpool Lime Street will you be cautioned to so much as restrain your alligator. Guerrilla coffee vendors, have, as far as station signage goes, free run of the place. Choral societies, cricketers and those with loud-hailers may carry on as they please — at least, we suppose, until asked to stop.   
Yet nowhere in the grounds of Liverpool Lime Street will you be cautioned to so much as restrain your alligator. Guerrilla coffee vendors, have, as far as station signage goes, free run of the place. Choral societies, cricketers and those with loud-hailers may carry on as they please — at least, we suppose, until asked to stop.   


But should a young nipper skip across the platform with his balloon-dog, he risks immediate censure. True: the sign does not go so far as to say ''what form'' that censure would take. Would he be arrested? Marched to a cashpoint and ordered to pay an on-the-spot fine? The [[JC]] did not wait around long enough to find out.  
But should a young nipper skip across the platform with a freshly-fashioned balloon-dog, he risks censure. True: the sign does not go say ''how''. Would he be arrested? Marched to a cashpoint and ordered to pay an on-the-spot fine? The [[JC]] did not wait around long enough to find out.  


But, as they milled around the station, clutching their R&B 45s, earned from rough trade with itinerant American seamen,<ref>This is the [https://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/jul/01/liverpool-merseybeat-cunard-yanks-sailors-taught-britain-to-rocknroll foundation myth] of the British Invasion.</ref> the local urchins seemed ''uneasy''. They did not seem minded to run the gamut. Anyone familiar with Liverpudlian street urchins will know this to be out of character.
But, the local urchins milling around the station, clutching their R&B 45s, earned from rough trade with itinerant American seamen,<ref>This is the [https://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/jul/01/liverpool-merseybeat-cunard-yanks-sailors-taught-britain-to-rocknroll foundation myth] of the British Invasion.</ref> seemed ''uneasy''. They did not seem minded to run the gamut of this balloon diktat. Anyone familiar with Liverpudlian street urchins will know this to be out of character.


Somehow, in Liverpool, the humble balloon has earned its own special category of turpitude. What can have happened? Was the fat controller one day plagued by balloons, flipped out and decided to get his own back? Has it helped?
Somehow, in Liverpool, the humble balloon has earned its own special category of turpitude. What can have happened? Was the fat controller one day plagued by balloons, flipped out and decided to get his own back? Has it helped?
If anyone knows, do write in and let us know.
===Signs===
===Signs===
The [[JC]] doesn’t like the sorts of signs that warn you, or forbid you, or tell you what you can or cannot do. They emanate from the same [[passive aggressive]] instinct as the [[This is an auto-generated email|email sent from an unmonitored account]] — they’re a cheap shot at someone who can’t hit back — and more to the point they are a failure in [[design]]: if you don’t people to walk on your grass, stick up a fence, or ''pave'' the damn thing, or create some obstacle — do with life ''code'' what you are trying to do with ''bossiness''.
The [[JC]] doesn’t like the sorts of signs that warn you, or forbid you, or tell you what you can or cannot do. They emanate from the same [[passive aggressive]] instinct as the [[This is an auto-generated email|email sent from an unmonitored account]] — they’re a cheap shot at someone who can’t hit back — and more to the point they are a failure in [[design]]: if you don’t people to walk on your grass, stick up a fence, or ''pave'' the damn thing, or create some obstacle — do with life ''code'' what you are trying to do with ''bossiness''.
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