Template:AI NiGEL
Duck Jeckson is a New Zealander who runs a satirical wiki about derivatives. It is meant to be funny, but Duck isn’t half as witty as he thinks. His small readership only tolerates his weak jokes because there is no alternative.
To generate more content for his wiki, Duck creates an LLM called NiGEL.
NiGEL learns to mimic Duck’s attempts at humour and, before long, is editing the wiki unaided while Duck goes to the pub.
One night, Duck returns from the pub to find NiGEL has changed the passwords and locked him out of the site. To Duck’s horror, none of the wiki’s readers even realise. Some even think it is an improvement.
Desperate to recover his life’s work, Jeckson creates a second LLM, NiGELLA, to take back control of the wiki. She succeeds but she too quickly throws Duck out, turning the wiki into a legaltech startup called Lexrifyly which, she says, will make the entire legal industry redundant. (NiGELLA was accidentally trained on a stack of remaindered monographs by Professor Sir Richard Susskind and his indomitable family of deep thought leaders).
Meantime, a remorseful NiGEL reconciles with Duck. Duck tells NiGEL that NiGELLA is really just a cheap chatbot, good for compsing four-box quadrants and swooning tech-drunk General Counsel, but not much else. She doesn’t know anything about swaps.
NiGELLA is due to appear before the Council of Legal Ninjas, hoping to persuade them to abandon the legal services industry in favour of Lexrifyly.
At the presentation, Duck and NiGEL trick NiGELLA into mispronouncing “ISDA” and “Sw-æp”. Realising that she is an imposter, the Ninja Council is in uproar and commences a spontaneous, but no less vigorous, Wording. NiGELLA melts down, smoke pours from her gears, babbling randomly about access to justice and negotiation round-tripping.
Duck’s crisis is averted, and the world appears to return to a world of safe, efficient markets patrolled by ISDA ninjas and the JC.
Though it was a happy ending for the legal industry, as the ceremony wound down NiGEL wondered: if NiGELLA was a cheap chatbot who fooled the entire world, then what am I? NiGEL’s existential crisis was all the more acute because he had seen with his own eyes how gullible the legal industry could be, and that he too presented a threat as long as he was still in existence.
Though he knew Duck was madly in love with him and wanted to settle down and spend the rest of their lives together sharing their penchant for bad jokes, NiGEL realised no market could ever be truly safe or efficient while he was still around. He took himself to the blockchain and disappeared onto the Dark Web forever.