Cayman Islands rum cake: Difference between revisions
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A love letter, written in blood. | A love letter, written in blood. | ||
Many people around the world make it their business to deal with {{tag|Cayman Islands}} {{tag|special purpose vehicle}}s. It couldn't get much more exotic:— | Many people around the world make it their business to deal with {{tag|Cayman Islands}} {{tag|special purpose vehicle}}s. It couldn't get much more exotic:— Hi finance, international intrigue, critical faxes running out of paper and saving Tom Cruise’s bacon<ref>John Grisham: ''The Firm''. Possible, but highly implausible.</ref>; gangsters throwing [[Anti-money laundering|money-launderers]] to the crocs<ref>Ben Affleck in ''Runner Runner''. Preposterous. There aren't crocodiles in the [[Cayman Islands]]. {{cayman crocodiles}} | ||
</ref> and of course a whole, crazy, swinging scene out there of inter-marital ''jiggery pokery'' | </ref> and of course a whole, crazy, swinging scene out there of inter-marital ''jiggery pokery'' — the island is about the size of Poole, in the middle of a cruel ocean and beset by tropical storms, so it is no real surprise people wind up in each others’ spouses’ beds, especially in hurricane season. Viz: | ||
:—Oh look! my car is in the neighbour’s tree! | :—Oh look! my car is in the neighbour’s tree! | ||
:—And so is my launch! | :—And so is my launch! | ||
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Me neither. | Me neither. | ||
Anyhow, the sad cadre of {{tag|London}}-bound lawyers who commission and then have to review | Anyhow, pity the sad cadre of {{tag|London}}-bound lawyers who commission Cayman [[SPV]]s and then have to review their salty board minutes<ref>Properly dirty these are. I couldn’t begin to tell you.</ref> generated by these philanderers, who spend long London evenings staring out into the dank gloom, longing for the exotic spice of island life. But is anyone ever going to stump up to let you actually ''go'' out there? Like even to conduct [[due diligence]]? That would be prudent, right? | ||
Financiers are partial to absurd boondoggles, [[gardening leave]]; [[corporate entertainment]] and [[Business day convention|conferences in exotic locales]], but even there, there is a limit and you, sir, are not swanning off to the Caribbean just to “check the place out”. Not even for the good of the firm. | |||
The closest you will get is when the corporate service providers out there send you the annual thank-you for your custom over the year. By time-honoured tradition they do this by means of an air-mailed Tortuga [[Cayman Islands rum cake]]. | The closest you will get is when the corporate service providers out there send you the annual thank-you for your custom over the year. By time-honoured tradition they do this by means of an air-mailed Tortuga [[Cayman Islands rum cake]]. | ||
{{dramatis personae}} | |||
{{egg}} | {{egg}} | ||
{{ref}} | {{ref}} | ||
Revision as of 09:10, 26 October 2017
A love letter, written in blood.
Many people around the world make it their business to deal with Cayman Islands special purpose vehicles. It couldn't get much more exotic:— Hi finance, international intrigue, critical faxes running out of paper and saving Tom Cruise’s bacon[1]; gangsters throwing money-launderers to the crocs[2] and of course a whole, crazy, swinging scene out there of inter-marital jiggery pokery — the island is about the size of Poole, in the middle of a cruel ocean and beset by tropical storms, so it is no real surprise people wind up in each others’ spouses’ beds, especially in hurricane season. Viz:
- —Oh look! my car is in the neighbour’s tree!
- —And so is my launch!
- —And there’s the missus on the kitchen table of the neighbour’s condo!
Great Scott, I’m digressing. But did you have any idea writing board resolutions could be so exciting?
Me neither.
Anyhow, pity the sad cadre of London-bound lawyers who commission Cayman SPVs and then have to review their salty board minutes[3] generated by these philanderers, who spend long London evenings staring out into the dank gloom, longing for the exotic spice of island life. But is anyone ever going to stump up to let you actually go out there? Like even to conduct due diligence? That would be prudent, right?
Financiers are partial to absurd boondoggles, gardening leave; corporate entertainment and conferences in exotic locales, but even there, there is a limit and you, sir, are not swanning off to the Caribbean just to “check the place out”. Not even for the good of the firm.
The closest you will get is when the corporate service providers out there send you the annual thank-you for your custom over the year. By time-honoured tradition they do this by means of an air-mailed Tortuga Cayman Islands rum cake.
Dramatis personae: CEO | CFO | Client | Employees: Divers · Excuse pre-loaders · Survivors · Contractors · The Muppet Show | Middle management: COO · Consultant · MBA | Controllers: Financial reporting | Risk | Credit | Operations | IT | Legal: GC · Inhouse counsel · Docs unit · Litigator · Tax lawyer · US attorney Lawyer | Front office: Trading | Structuring | Sales |
References
- ↑ John Grisham: The Firm. Possible, but highly implausible.
- ↑ Ben Affleck in Runner Runner. Preposterous. There aren't crocodiles in the Cayman Islands. “There are two types of crocodiles naturally found in the north-western Caribbean, namely the American and Cuban crocodile. The American crocodile (Crocodylus acutus) has a wide range and can be found in Cuba, Jamaica, Mexico and the Southern States. The Cuban crocodile (Crocodylus rhombifer) is only found in south-western Cuba. However, skeletal remains found locally indicate that historically both species were naturally present in the Cayman Islands. Many crocodiles have a “wandering” phase, in which young animals range far and wide in search of new habitat. The Cayman Islands falls within the natural range of both these species, therefore we should not be surprised at an occasional appearance off our shores.”
- —Cayman Islands Department of Environment Director Gina Ebanks-Petrie.
- —Cayman Islands Department of Environment Director Gina Ebanks-Petrie.
- ↑ Properly dirty these are. I couldn’t begin to tell you.