Mediocre lawyer

One trained in the law, genus causidicus mediocris, whose principle fear is being blind-sided by the very language — English — in which she must ply her trade. When you press her why she must so persistently desecrate her calling, she will tell you this:

“My drafting may be convoluted, but it is effective: It must be, for we haven’t had any litigation on it.”

If you have the patience, this is the time to wheel out your pre-prepared joke:

The standard issue drafting joke

“Did you know”, you say, “that, for a disguise, elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow, and hide upside-down in custard?”
“Why, that’s preposterous!”
“Aha! but have you ever seen an elephant hiding upside-down in custard?”
“No, of course not!”
“SHOWS WHAT A GOOD DISGUISE IT IS.”

Walk proudly away. Your work is done. Of course it won’t make a blind bit of difference, but you may feel better.

Such individuals are uniquely susceptible to Schwarzschild radii.