Second law of worker entropy
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Conference Call Anatomy™
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Confusion entropy is the background level of misunderstanding and resentment which comes as a by-product of modern corporate discourse.
Different types of activity generate more or less of this kind of entropy. Conference calls — especially all-hands conference calls — generate dangerously high levels. Add financial reporting folk seeking legal opinions on matters of balance sheet treatment, allow tax lawyers to converse directly with anyone else on this topic and infinite bafflement is assured.
The Jolly Contrarian’s second law of worker entropy states that confusion entropy will eventually lead to the boredom heat death of the universe. There is no formula for when or where this might happen because at that moment the Jolly Contrarian was trying to make one up — you realise this is all just made up on the spot, don’t you?</ref> he was ambushed with an ambiguous request for KPIs by an officious management consultant. He pretended to be having Skype trouble but lost his train of thought and never quite recovered it. Story of his life, really.
Confusion entropy can be cured with alcohol, but there is a curious paradox, as overdoing the sauce (which, on a conference call, can be tremendously tempting) can itself lead to total collapse through the inebriation event horizon into a black hole of soul-crushing despair.
So it’s either crushing your soul into an infinitesimal point of space-time, or regressing to a sunless, tepid expanse having, in every direction except the one you want to go in, an infinite extension of ennui.