Cayman Islands rum cake
A love letter, written in blood.
Many people around the world make it their business to deal with Cayman Islands special purpose vehicles. It couldn't get much more exotic:— Hi finance, international intrigue, critical faxes running out of paper and saving Tom Cruise’s bacon[1]; gangsters throwing money-launderers to the crocs[2] and of course a whole, crazy, swinging scene out there of inter-marital jiggery pokery — the island is about the size of Poole, in the middle of a cruel ocean and beset by tropical storms, so it is no real surprise people wind up in each others’ spouses’ beds, especially in hurricane season. Viz:
- —Oh look! my car is in the neighbour’s tree!
- —And so is my launch!
- —And there’s the missus on the kitchen table of the neighbour’s condo!
Great Scott, I’m digressing. But did you have any idea writing board resolutions could be so exciting?
Me neither.
Anyhow, pity the sad cadre of London-bound lawyers who commission Cayman SPVs and then have to review their salty board minutes[3] generated by these philanderers, who spend long London evenings staring out into the dank gloom, longing for the exotic spice of island life. But is anyone ever going to stump up to let you actually go out there? Like even to conduct due diligence? That would be prudent, right?
Financiers are partial to absurd boondoggles, gardening leave; corporate entertainment and conferences in exotic locales, but even they have limits and you, sir, are not swanning off to the Caribbean just to “check the place out”. Not even for the good of the Firm[4].
The closest you will get is when the corporate service providers out in paradise send you their annual thank-you for your custom over the year. By time-honoured tradition they do this by means of an air-mailed Tortuga Cayman Islands rum cake.
This may seem meagre compensation but just wait till you taste some of that bad boy. It’s amazing. It may arrive looking like it's been pummelled by baggage handlers at every luggage on the Florida keys, and in fairness it probably has, but boy it tastes great. Even if you don't like rum.
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References
- ↑ John Grisham: The Firm. Possible, but highly implausible.
- ↑ Ben Affleck in Runner Runner. Preposterous. There aren't crocodiles in the Cayman Islands. “There are two types of crocodiles naturally found in the north-western Caribbean, namely the American and Cuban crocodile. The American crocodile (Crocodylus acutus) has a wide range and can be found in Cuba, Jamaica, Mexico and the Southern States. The Cuban crocodile (Crocodylus rhombifer) is only found in south-western Cuba. However, skeletal remains found locally indicate that historically both species were naturally present in the Cayman Islands. Many crocodiles have a “wandering” phase, in which young animals range far and wide in search of new habitat. The Cayman Islands falls within the natural range of both these species, therefore we should not be surprised at an occasional appearance off our shores.”
- —Cayman Islands Department of Environment Director Gina Ebanks-Petrie.
- —Cayman Islands Department of Environment Director Gina Ebanks-Petrie.
- ↑ Properly dirty these are. I couldn’t begin to tell you.
- ↑ See what I did there?