Internal audit: Difference between revisions

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Men and women who know the price of everything, but the value of nothing.  
Men and women who understand the deadline for everything, but the point of nothing.  


Those people who rigorously assess your [[compliance]] with measurable quantitative criteria because — not being [[subject matter expert]]s — they have no means of assessing anything else.  
Those those blessed folk who are employed to assess your [[compliance]] with measurable quantitative criteria because — not being [[subject matter expert]]s — they have no means of assessing anything else.  


Your commitment to review a template [[confidentiality agreement]] each calendar year will attract internal audit''’s attention, your failure to do so its censure, whether or not anyone actually used that template, much less whether there was anything wrong with it.
Your department’s commitment—probably given in a moment of weakness or inattention—to review annually the firm's fleet of template [[confidentiality agreement]]s is a fertile hunting ground for the operational incidents which are the [[IA]] employee’s meat and drink. It will not matter whether anyone used the template, much less that there was nothing wrong with it — your failure to do what you committed to do, [[quod erat demonstrandum]] is grounds for severe censure. Similarly, a fellow hazards instant dismissal should he not complete all [[computer based training]] by the designated time — there will be many system-generated email reminders, make no mistake — no matter how pointless the topic<ref>Health and safety in employment and records management are always good ones</ref> or asinine the training on it may be.


By contrast, your total incompetence when negotiating a critical indemnity will fly leagues over their heads. Because [[internal audit]] wouldn't have the first clue what [[gross negligence]] even is, let alone what amounts to it, much less how one would recognise an indemnity if one happened across one, whether [[carve out|carved out]] or not.
By contrast, your total incompetence when negotiating a critical indemnity will fly leagues over their heads. Because [[internal audit]] wouldn't have the first clue what [[gross negligence]] even is, let alone what amounts to it, much less how one would recognise an indemnity if one happened across one, whether [[carve out|carved out]] or not.


An employee risks instant dismissal for not completing all [[computer based training]] on time, no matter how ineffectual or asinine that training may be.
The secret, for the most part, is to steer clear of [[service level agreements]], [[key performance indicators]], [[target operating model]]s. Articulate your contribution to the ongoing wellbeing  and measurable aspects of your performance. The experienced commercial solicitor is a vessel for ineffable wisdom. His output is incomprehensible genius. So in large part this is quite manageable.  


{{dramatis personae}}
{{dramatis personae}}


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Revision as of 14:02, 21 May 2018

Men and women who understand the deadline for everything, but the point of nothing.

Those those blessed folk who are employed to assess your compliance with measurable quantitative criteria because — not being subject matter experts — they have no means of assessing anything else.

Your department’s commitment—probably given in a moment of weakness or inattention—to review annually the firm's fleet of template confidentiality agreements is a fertile hunting ground for the operational incidents which are the IA employee’s meat and drink. It will not matter whether anyone used the template, much less that there was nothing wrong with it — your failure to do what you committed to do, quod erat demonstrandum is grounds for severe censure. Similarly, a fellow hazards instant dismissal should he not complete all computer based training by the designated time — there will be many system-generated email reminders, make no mistake — no matter how pointless the topic[1] or asinine the training on it may be.

By contrast, your total incompetence when negotiating a critical indemnity will fly leagues over their heads. Because internal audit wouldn't have the first clue what gross negligence even is, let alone what amounts to it, much less how one would recognise an indemnity if one happened across one, whether carved out or not.

The secret, for the most part, is to steer clear of service level agreements, key performance indicators, target operating models. Articulate your contribution to the ongoing wellbeing and measurable aspects of your performance. The experienced commercial solicitor is a vessel for ineffable wisdom. His output is incomprehensible genius. So in large part this is quite manageable.

Dramatis personae: CEO | CFO | Client | Employees: Divers · Excuse pre-loaders · Survivors · Contractors · The Muppet Show | Middle management: COO · Consultant · MBA | Controllers: Financial reporting | Risk | Credit | Operations | IT | Legal: GC · Inhouse counsel · Docs unit · Litigator · Tax lawyer · US attorney Lawyer | Front office: Trading | Structuring | Sales |

  1. Health and safety in employment and records management are always good ones