Shall

From The Jolly Contrarian
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A verb that seems so safe — so forensic — fusty, old-fashioned, stolid, goodie-two-shoes — but yet so tantalisingly vague.

Vague in that “shall” can be an airily floated aspiration of future — “I say,” said Jenkins, absent-mindedly knocking out his pipe on a passing child’s head, “I do believe I shall go to the theatre tonight!” — but just as easily can be a stentorian direction to an underling to carry out a binding duty: “You shall do the dishes, young lady, and you shall do them NOW”.

Lawyers like the latter formulation, a lot, and spray it around as if they're standing behind a Gatling gun loaded with shalls[1]. But here's the problem. Conjugation.

Airily floated future aspiration

Stentorian command

I shall
You will
He she or it will
We shall
You will
They will
I will
You shall
He she or it shall
We will
You shall
They shall

If, in other words, you’re going to be a dick about it, then you have to be careful which you mean, especially if you are one of these new age folk who like to write contracts in the first and second person. There again, if you’re one of those you’re most likely not to be using shall in the first place, because must or will will do, and they won’t make you sound like quite such an egg.


References

Plain English Anatomy™ Noun | Verb | Adjective | Adverb | Preposition | Conjunction | Latin | Germany | Flannel | Legal triplicate | Nominalisation | Murder your darlings

  1. Thank-you, ladies and gentlemen. There’s a hat going round.