Talk:Where Legal Eagles Dare: An Opco Boone Adventure

“Aieeeeeeeeee!”

Boone hoofed the driver head-first out of the cabin, pulled himself into the cockpit, honked the foghorn and hauled the wheel hard right. The great rig began slowly to bear around towards the Operations HQ, slewing sand out over the upturned COO gunship as it turned.

A dirt-bike punched through that curtain of flying sand, over the gunship’s lazily spinning wheels, and landed clean. Algernon whooped. “Let’s blow this joint, Boonester.”

Boone snarled into his wristcom, “We’re not home yet, Algy. Any sign of Georgie?”

Algernon gunned his Kawasaki. “She’s tangling with the other cruiser, boss. Sticky bogey, I guess.”

Boone scanned the trailer behind his cabin: a wall of green LEDs. The KPIs were already primed.

The detonation timer on the dash ticked down: 5:30 and counting.

Boone wrestled with the wheel. The rig groaned and screamed under the colossal Gs as it re-vectored to the north. Come on, you brute, come on.

The rig leveled up. The Gs eased off. Five clicks yonder, Boone could see operations outpost in the crosshairs, shimmering in the hot desert air. Your chickens are coming home to roost, my operational friends. He stomped on the metal. The monstrous diesel turbines screamed. The rig thundered forward.

The timer ticked past 5:00.

NOT … WHILE … I … BREATHE. — A bloodied fist grabbed the running board. Kurzweil hung on for his life, for his cause, for his honour. At first, it was all he could do, just to keep his hold and stop being swept beneath the monstrous wheels as they pounded the dirt, inches from his ear. He clenched his buttocks as the roadway grated and pummeled him all over.

Slowly, he hauled himself back into the game. He got a second hold. He fist-jammed in the wheel-arch. He executed a switch-grip, squirrel-jumped onto the grille, dragged himself up onto the hood, heel-hooked and got a firm boot-hold on the chassis. He clambered up. He clung like a limpet. He edged around the towards cabin door. NOT … WHILE … I … BREATHE.

The timer ticked past 4:45.

The cabin CB pinged — static squelch. Capcom was rattled. “Hey, Kurzweil, do you read? We see your vector heading north. Please account for your deviation. What’s going on? Is everything in order?”

Boone picked up the receiver. “Ah, Capcom, we read you ten-four. All is in order. We are just seeing some interference — regular, totally routine stuff, you know, so — er — we are re-routing to approach from the north-west. All good, over.”

There was a pause before Capcom clicked back in. “Heinrich, is that you?”

“Er, yeah, Capcom, of course it is. Ja, I mean. Ja, hier ist Kurzweil.” Boone winced.

“But you seem to be heading straight at us!”

“It’s, ah, just a transitory vector, Capcom.”

Transitory vector? What the hell does that mean? Your manoeuvre is not in the service catalog, Officer! My line manager say this is a steerco-reportable operational risk event —”

“No, no, Capcom, it’s routine, totally normal. We do this sort of thing all the time. I cleared with Commander, um, Commander Scheisskopf. this morning.”

“Commander who? Who is this? What’s going on?”

Boone re-winced. He clocked Capcom’s caller ID on the monitor. “Hey, er, hey Maxine? Listen: the channel is getting a bit choppy, okay? We’re struggling to maintain secure connection. But rest assured: everything in order. Repeat: everything in order. We got this. Tell, er, what’s-his-name — Scheisskopf — we’re under control. Going dark, over.”

“Heinrich? Heinrich?”

Boone clicked off the receiver. “That was getting boring, anyway” he muttered.

The timer ticked past 4:30.

The rig roared. Clinging to the outside of its grille, Kurzweil snagged a crimp on the aerial mount. He traversed along the running board, edging with his toes, keeping his weight balanced. He ducked his head beneath the overhang, below Boone’s side-window sightline.

The timer ticked past 4:15.

Boone’s comlink crackled. “Heads up Boone: you got company.”

Georgie’s dirt-bike burst into view off a low ridge, exploding through scrubland and she pulled wheelie.

Boone pummeled the dash “Yo! Georgie! Where you been all my life!”

“Not now, Boone, you got work to do — eyes right.”

Boone looked right, but too late. With a single fluid motion Kurzweil vaulted up, leant through the window, baffed Boone across the jaw, and grabbed the wheel.

Boone spat a jeweled string of blood. A copper taste filled his mouth.

Kurzweil came again, but this time Boone was braced for him. A sharp elbow to the cheek knocked Kurzweil back, cracking his head against the stanchion. He grunted. Boone clamped him, but the Operations man clamped back. He grabbed Boone by the throat: chokehold. Kurzweil had a grip like a vice, but so did Boone: he squeezed back, harder, and shunted up. Mutually assured destruction. Kurzweil gagged. His eyes bulged. His spittle flew. Still, he cracked out a demonic beetroot grin and mouthed, “NOT … WHILE … I … BREATHE … BOONE” and shanked Boone with his Runbook.

The rig veered and fishtailed as they struggled.

The timer ticked past 4:00.

As his air-flow constricted, Boone became light-headed. He scanned the windshield: where on Earth were the dirt-bikes? He reached for his wristcom, but Kurzweil’s span was too great. Kurzweil rabbit-punched him again and hooked a boot on the door-latch. The door swung wide, with Kurzweil on it. He hauled out Boone out by the throat and dangled him over the road.

Boone couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t speak. His muscles slackened. His peripheral vision blackened. His eyes stopped down to tunnels. Kurzweil doubled down on the throat-clamp. Boone flailed limply, catching nothing but air: the big man’s reach was too great. The door swung back. Kurzweil hauled him in and booted his face. Boone collapsed. Kurzweil grabbed the wheel, hauled it back around and lined up the Settlement.

The rig ground back towards the western vector. Kurzweil lined up the cross-hairs. They locked and flashed and beeped: TARGET ACQUIRED. On the cabin floor, Boone groaned. Kurzeil boot-baffed him. As he passed out, Boone’s last coherent thought was, where the hell are you, Algy? Boone slipped into unconsciousness with the hopeless image of his old school chums Georgie and Algy, back at the refectory at St Crustard’s frantically trying to finish their Defence Against Indemnities homework before the bell went.

The counter ticked past 3:45.

Kurzweil clocked the counter. Not good. Precious seconds to lose now. If he was to get all the way into the Settlement, release the payload and then make it out again before it blew, things would have to be perfect from now on. He knew: he would not make it out of that forensic rat-hole on foot. He knew: this could be his Waterloo. I do this for the cause, he thought. For all operations people, everywhere.

Boone moaned and shifted woozily in the foot well. Kurzweil baffed him again.

The counter ticked past 3:42.

Boone collapsed into glamour-glow visions of Georgie and Algernon, holding hands, astride pink unicorns, in a forest of hyper-rainbows, floating joyfully amongst a flock of cute, fluffy green chatbots that were nibbling delicately and licking at their glistening faces. It’s fine, Opco! Come on over! You will never look back! Everything is — so beautiful! Operations Officer Kurzweil walked serenely towards him in a silken toga, with a ball of pearlescent light before him. “It is all true, Opco.” Behind him Georgie and Algernon nodded blissfully. “We have solved it. Everything. There is enough management information to satisfy every stakeholder. You don’t need to worry. There’s an app for e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g...”

The last thing Boone remembered was trying to move his arms and his legs, but he could not. His tongue lolled. He dribbled into the carpet in the footwell. Then everything went black.

The counter ticked past 3:41.

An insistent horn sounded behind. Kurzweil checked his wing mirror: relief! The remaining gunship, smoking and shuddering, was accelerating back up beside him. Suddenly, Kurzweil saw a path out of this. He could escape after all! He waved at the gunship, urging it forward.

As it drew level, Kurzweil set about converting the rig into a guided missile. He locked the steering on the acquired target, set the trailer to autopilot, threw the engine into a high gear and jammed a brick on the pedal. The motor screamed.

Boone moaned. Kurzweil re-baffed. Kurzweil cursed the unconscious hulk for even putting him in this position. This is just business, you self-righteous berk. Then, suddenly, on that desert track, barrelling straight into the jaws of certain destruction, Kurzweil knew what he had to do. Yes. This is right. This we should do. He reached over and grabbed the unconscious Eagle Squad Leader by his lapels.

“Let us make your last ride the one they remember you by, Eagle Squadron Leader Opco Boone.”

The counter ticked past 3:45.

The rig was hurtling inexorably towards the settlement. Boone seemed unable to stop it. The damaged gunship was belching black smoke and running on three tyres, but it was back in the game, exchanging potshots with Georgie.

Captain Algernon Farquhar, B.S.C, D.S.O, Acting Deputy Captain of Eagle Squad saw a narrow dirt ramp coming down the line and knew his time was now.

“Cover me, George!” he barked, and ripped hard on his throttle. The Kawasaki surged forward along side the trailer, mounted the ramp and caught big air. As the bike sailed over the trailer, he kicked out of his stirrups, let the handlebars go, and back-flipped — he hit the trailer roof with the regulation Eagle-Squad three-point landing.

The Kawasaki kept flying. It prescribed a flat parabola over the trailer and fell into the path of the oncoming gunship. As the pilot and gunner bailed the gunship exploded on impact.

The counter ticked past 3:30.

Boone was a heavy bastard. Kurzweil hauled him up and into the driver’s seat, but he was flaccid and hard to shift. Eventually Kurzweil flopped him into position and groped around for his seatbelt. He opened one of Boone’s eyes. He was out cold. Good.

The counter ticked past 3:15.

Algy shinned down the access ladder from the trailer roof. To his surprise, the trailer’s main back doors were unsecured. He popped the latch and swung them open. Algy dropped in and onto the deck.

“Holy hell,” he said, and whistled. The trailer’s entire forty foot length was packed with server farms of key performance indicators arrays, RAG indicator clusters, target operating model monitors and other whole banks of various dials, meters, LED displays that Algy couldn’tg becgin to comprehend, winking away.

Algy inspected the KPI arrays. Each was fitted with a crypto-locked switch marked “ARM”. Every single one was lit. Over the transom, a digital display carried the detonator count-down.

Algy clicked into his wrist comm, “Georgie, this is bad. There must be 40,000 KPIs here. They’re all armed. We got three minutes. I couldn’t switch them off in that time even if they weren’t encryted.”

Georgie said, “Copy that, Algy. We have to turn this truck around. It is the only way.”

The counter ticked past 3:00

The truck rolled on. Kurzweil almost had the meddling Legal Eagle where he needed him now. He wrapped his fingers round the wheel. Now for the last touch: his Eagle Squadron cap, set at that irritating, rakish angle. This was going to be perfect.

The counter ticked past 2:55

executed Putting his head through the British Army blanket that hung down between the seats and the hold, an improvised shield at best, he reversed the Webley in his grip. The old Webley that had belonged to his father during the First War.He.

Coldly, he struck Kurzweil across the side of the head.

“Got him, Boonie – but are we too late?”

Boone looked at the countdown timer. 2:15. The sweep hand mocked him with its relentless spin.

“You know what we need to do,” he said.

Algie nodded.

The big rig accelerated.

Boone and Algie looked at each other.

“I’m not sure I will see Rugby again, old man.”

“And I’m not sure I will ever kiss my girl again … but I will be dam**d if those KPIs are going to wreck HQ.”

Thots

Hello! it’s Kaylene Trangle! — New Zealand contrecta

Algy and George take out the gunships

The Battletruck carried on, blamming left and right. A crump in the prolixity resevoir, it collapsed to one knee and emptied itself all over the forward Reg relations team.

“they’re going to a baffled for weeks!”

A sprint burst to the right which took out a discombobulation stack. The defences weren't holding.

The GC wailed: “I don’t understand! They’re not listening to our careful arguments! I don’t understand!”

Outer perimeter fails

You got to speak a language they understand.

The Farm

The oldest portal into, and out of, Lissingdown was the Moor’s Gate. It opened out onto a region beyond the city walls they called The Meadow and, beyond that, the dark forest of Bretton.

The Meadow was a wide flat, low-lying mud plain. It turned briskly to swamp whenever it rained, which wasn’t often, but often enough that the itinerants who for generations had maintained it had created narrow plank walkways around the miles of rows of cages that made up The Farm. These “boards” ran from the Gate all the way to the Woods, and along every row and aisle of The Farm where they raised and cultivated clients. Such a feature were they of the propagation and cultivation of client relationships that were the principle business of The Farm the itinerant travellers who walked them in the service of milk production were called the “on-boarders”.

Just now, a cross-eyed, black-toothed, puck-faced peasant limped along the boards with a pail of slops, tossing chicken bones left and right and ladling mouldy porridge to grasping beasts who slobbered through the slats.

A slight ginger lad stepped carefully along the board that ran from the Gate to the Farm until he caught the boarder’s attention and then stopped. The boarder stopped her round, too, eyeing him carefully. She held his stare for an a beat too long, weighing him up, as if undecided between amusement, irritation or malevolence. At length, she settled on amusement. She said, “Whatta fucka you wanna? Wanna-you some chicky, ah?”

She fished a chicken bone from her bucket and tossed it at the boys’s feet. He couldn’t tell if she was being serious until she roared at the joke.

Just as he began stammered out an oily yuck to move the vibe along, she stopped. “Well, amigo, whatta you gotta?”

Ramsay Punchface held out his tote bag. “I just caught these.”

The onboarder snatched the bag and up-ended it, dumping a handful of a small, rabbit-like animals into the dust. Their legs were loosely bound and they wriggled and whimpered. She grunted, and turned each over carefully with her boot. “Littl’uns, innit?”

“They’re segregated cells. J ... J ... Jersey. I think.”

The onboarder grunted again. “Feeble.” She looked over her shoulder. “Hey, Quasi. Whatta do you makea these?”

A old hunch-back, naked but for a sacking tunic and a dirty loincloth, scurried out of the farm on all fours. Despite his apparent age, his eyes glittered, though he gripped a monocle in one. He moved nimbly with a nervous, muscular energy. He regarded the onboarder, and the boy, and squawked. “What is it? What is it? What is it? HEY?”

“Heh. Lil runty fellas.” The boarder poked the animals with his foot. “Any good?”

“Any good? Any good? It’s all good. Any good is all good is every good boy deserves football —” The old man snatched up the rabbity thing, sniffed it, drawing its aroma deeply, an action from which he derived no small pleasure, inspected the animal’s fur closely through the monocle, taking it in his fingers, picking out fleas, or dirt, or imperfections. “Meh.”

He peered into its ears, yanked open its mouth, inspected its teeth. Finally, he pulled, a stout wooden device from his tunic and held it up against the animal. “Heh. It’ll do,” he said, “but it’s not exactly going to make the quarter. It’s a bit scrawny.” He scratched his chin. “Call it a three. Yes; a low priority three.” He tossed the first one in the smallest pen.

“A three?” Ramsay quailed. "But Jersey Oiks are a key business priority!”

“That they are, so they are, so I gather, soldier blue, but there are no oikeys here. That’s an SGPS, my young lad. Sociedade Gestora de Participações Sociais, to give him his full regalia, if you please, and he hails from —” he snatched up the beast again and began riffling through its fur “ — Porto? Lisbon, I wonder — oh! Madeira! Of course it is, my dear, Madeira, my dear. Similar to Oikey Oikses, they are, but — oh! — just not the same. It’s their milk, see? The yield is poor and it’s a bit thin, and sour, but it will nourish you juniors all right.”

Ramsay sighed and motioned at the other two espiecies. “What about the others, then?”

The old man examined the first one briefly. “This one — nah, Qatari: won’t net.” He tossed it away. His dog, a mongrel bull terrier, chased it under a fence. “Bosun! Bosun!” he screeched, at the dog.

He picked up the third, gingerly, turned it over in his hands and looked doubtfully in its ear.

Suddenly, violently, he threw it down, kicked out at it and scurried into the dark recess from where he had originally come. The boarder squawked in anguish and grabbed a spade and hid behind these nearest cage. Bosun leapt at it, but the man swiftly yanked on the dog’s chain to pull him out of reach.

“Get away, Bosun! Get out of it! JESUS! What do you think you're playing at, bringing that nasty little blighter in here? Take it away! Get rid of it! QUICKLY!”

Ramsay flapped his arms. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Just get rid of it before anyone sees you with it!”

Ramsay gingerly picked up the frightened little thing. It was barely bigger than a hamster and hand beautiful, soft, golden fur that shone auburn in the sunlight. It seemed so harmless. So pure. It trembled in the palm of his hand. “It’s okay, it’s okay little one,” Ramsay soothed.

The inspector was screeching and shaking the cage, screaming “GET RID OF IT! GO! GO! GO!”

Ramsay put his hands on his hips. “Well, I’m not leaving here without my commission.”

“Get rid! GET RID GET RID!!!” howled the inspector.

The old man strode over and snatched the animal, which was still snuggling on Ramsay's palm, hiffed it powerfully, into the sky.

“Hey! What did you do that for?”

As the espiecie arced towards the ground it it exploded in a ball of fluff and guts.

“Jesus wept, lad!”

“All right, all right — but what about my — for the other two?”

“Strike a light!” The onboarder fished in his pocket and tossed a couple of quarters towards Ramsay, into the dust.

“Half a stinking credit??!” Ramsay looked distraught and fished them out.

“Think yourself lucky kid. And let this be a lesson to you. Know run along with you and take that nasty little thing with you, before Quasi here has a goddamn aneurysm.”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Panamanian variant. Just take it away okay?”

Ramsay’s eyes widened, he retched and bolted for the Wood.

The onboarder looked at the two scrawny mammals in the cage, and let out a deep, existential sigh. “Lean times, indeed,” he muttered, and tossed a bone into the cage, where the little espievies fell upon it.

The inspector had calmed down by now, and just chuckled darkly.

Random thots

Bretton Woods: a dark forest beyond the mythical settlement of Lissingdown, where combat sales units would hunt espievies and other prey which they would domesticate and farm for commissions

Sales details ride in with captured espievies and toss them into a holding pen.

Evaluates and sorts them, tossing out the runts. A junior sales squire gripes about his treatment. The office manager tosses him a couple of credits and tells him to scram. "Too small". "Won't net". "No track record taste awful."

There's a commotion in the fields as a hunting party comes back in. It is Charlemagne, the celebrated sales guru, leading his retinue, leading in an elephant-sized beast by a velvet rope.

Sidemutter: "He got it from the forbidden fields. There are none of these in our territory. They don't exist."

Capture the docs team leader who is too weak to resist the onslaught

Coo people trying to break in in and tame master agreements.

Capture small ones

So the lawyers treat them as as pets, and horse whisperer them etc comma believing this is the only way to to control the danger they present and harness their power. The Theo coming like the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang force the agreements into a framework controlled by Romanians reading instruction manuals.

Bigger ones bust out of their glcages destroying everything

Apocalyptic scenes where tiny little cages ISDA s, all confined in small rectangular pens like battery hens suddenly all explode at once overwhelming the management systems.

Giant monsters called Goks housed in luxuriant pens, where teams rub their skins with champagne and Keep them supple and milking them of commissions. Good are free to come and go. There are several Gok pens around the city. To encourage the gearbox to go into them they need to be b-complex fully invisible 2 to city residence other than those charged with managing the pen itself.

Feed smaller stick with Vega and they grow larger

Conan the barbarian riff with isda jocks captured and tethered to the mill in a mountain training camp where they train school leavers in the ninja arts. School leavers keep running away. Escaping for a better life

Lissingdown is the elven home on earth. The settlement is an offshore centre.