Mediocre lawyer

One trained in the law, genus causidicus mediocris, whose principle fear is being blind-sided by the very language — English — in which she must ply her trade. Such individuals are uniquely susceptible to Schwarzschild radii. When you press her why she must so persistently desecrate her calling, she will tell you this:

“My drafting may be convoluted, but it is effective: It must be, for we haven’t had any litigation on it.”

If you have the patience, this is the time to wheel out your pre-prepared joke:

The standard issue drafting joke

“Did you know”, you say, “that, for a disguise, elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow, and hide upside-down in custard?”
“Why, that’s preposterous!”
“Aha! but have you ever seen an elephant hiding upside-down in custard?”
“No, of course not!”
“SHOWS WHAT A GOOD DISGUISE IT IS.”

Walk proudly away. Your work is done. Of course it won’t make a blind bit of difference, but you may feel better.

All lawyers are philosophers; good lawyers are just bad ones. Bad lawyers are worse. They have nothing on philosophers, though, who are terrible lawyers. The pits.

See also

• Counsel, but not under any circumstances council.
• Hary Poter, muggles, mudbloods and so on.

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