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{{image|Oldsmobile_whale_damaged|jpg|Umenhofer’s “whale of a deal”.}}}}{{d|Hive mind|/haɪv/ /maɪnd/|n|}}
{{image|Oldsmobile_whale_damaged|jpg|Umenhofer’s “whale of a deal”.}}}}{{d|Hive mind|/haɪv/ /maɪnd/|n|}}


The theory of consciousness that asserts that a new and better personality [[Emergence|emerges]] from the networked personalities of those in the organisation.  
The theory of consciousness that asserts that a new and better personality [[Emergence|emerges]] from the networked personalities of those in the organisation and generates ideas that are, therefore, not traceable to any particular individual mind in the hive.


Evidence, too, of the [[Zero-sum game|non-zero sum game]] that multinational organisations play, for somehow they persistently generate the cash flow to pay the salaries their employees demand without it ever being apparent quite what any one of those employees does to deserve it. If a multinational is a goose, then its staff roster is the messy, pungent mix of bloodied feathers and viscera that would remain, wandering around outside dazed, clutching Iron Mountain boxes, when the farmer — a.k.a., the unforgiving brick wall of reality — has cut it open in search of a golden egg.
The theory seems nice, and accords with evolution and so on, but it is often quite hard to identify any such emergently brilliant ideas, since the first thing that anyone will do should they stumble on a brilliant idea is to claim credit for it.  


So, for example, the idea of displaying, in foot-high letters, “WINNING MINDSET” over the entrance to the ground floor lift lobby by way of clumsy neuro-linguistic programming of your worker-bees as they roll up for their daily toil is not a decision traceable to any particular individual (this is not to say that a single individual could not be so foolish, but that such a person wouldn’t be so foolish as to ''admit'' to it, at least without first engaging in [[Circle of escalation|diffusionary butt-covering]]).
What we are left with, therefore is a welter of transparently preposterous ideas that emerge unbidden from the hive mind  without anyone claiming credit for them.  


The appearance, as a result, that such an springs fully formed out of the higher consciousness of the [[hive mind]].
[[Debt value adjustment|Debt value adjustments]]. [[Enron Corporation|Mark-to-market accounting for non-existent forward markets]]. [[Performance appraisal|Performance appraisals]]. [[Goals|SMART]] goals. [[Non-fungible token]]<nowiki/>s. 
 
These ideas will persist and flourish as long as plausible livelihoods can be made out of them, but they have a habit of imploding, catastrophically. Here is where the hive mind comes into its own: as an emergent property of a superbrain, ''they are no-one’s fault''.  


===The exploding whale===
===The exploding whale===
For a more distant example, take the celebrated exploding whale of Lane County, Oregon, from 1970. See the entertaining news report in the panel.
For a more distant example, take the celebrated exploding whale of Lane County, Oregon, from 1970. See the entertaining news report in the panel.
What is most amazing here is not that onlookers, held behind barriers a quarter of a mile away, had to run for their lives while brick-sized lumps of stinking, fetid, whale flesh rained down on them from from the sky, but that no-one — not the highways authority, not the project manager, not the forklift driver, not the reporter, not the film crew, not the gelignite vendor, not the hundreds and hundreds of spectators — not a single one of them asked that most basic of questions: “you are proposing to detonate a rotting sperm whale with half a ton of dynamite. Have you completely lost your mind?”


Actually, one man had, and this is where the irony gets positively Homeric. A certain Walter Umenhofer, a military veteran with explosives training who happened to be in the area to take advantage of a “''Get a Whale of a Deal!''” promotion in a nearby car dealership, warned anyone who would listen that half a ton of dynamite was far too much. Umenhofer suggested 4 kg would be enough. His advice went unheeded.
What is most amazing here is not that onlookers, held behind barriers a quarter of a mile away, had to run for their lives while brick-sized lumps of stinking, fetid, whale flesh rained down on them from from the sky, but that no-one — not the highways authority, not the project manager, not the forklift driver, not the reporter, not the film crew, not the gelignite vendor, not those hundreds and hundreds of spectators, fleeing for their lives — not ''one'' asked: “you are proposing to detonate a rotting sperm whale with half a ton of dynamite. Have you completely lost your mind?”
 
Well, ''one'' man did, and this is where the irony gets positively Homeric. That fellow, one Walter Umenhofer, was a military veteran with explosives training. He came to the area to take advantage of a “''Get a Whale of a Deal!''” promotion in a nearby car dealership.
 
When he heard the plan, he warned anyone who would listen that ''half a ton of dynamite was far too much''. Umenhofer suggested 4 kg would be enough.  
 
The hive mind knew best: his advice went unheeded.


Miraculously no-one was hurt during the blast.  
Miraculously no-one was hurt during the blast, which showered a radius of half a kilometre with brick-sized bombs of rotten blubber .  


There was just one casualty: a brand new Oldsmobile Regency 98, flattened by a hunk of blubber the size of a truck tyre. It was Umenhofer’s brand new car. A whale of a deal, indeed.
There was just one casualty: a brand new Oldsmobile Regency 98, that day acquired by one Walter Umenhofer, and parked up while he beseeched the project manager not to be so stupid, was flattened by a hunk of meat the size of a truck tyre.
===Heterogeneity as a bad thing===
{{heterogeneity as a bad thing}}


{{sa}}
A whale of a deal, indeed. {{sa}}
*[[Emergence]]
*[[Emergence]]
*[[ClauseHub]]
*[[ClauseHub]]
{{ref}}
{{ref}}

Revision as of 10:34, 4 January 2023

Umenhofer’s “whale of a deal”.
In which the curmudgeonly old sod puts the world to rights.
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Hive mind
/haɪv/ /maɪnd/ (n.)

The theory of consciousness that asserts that a new and better personality emerges from the networked personalities of those in the organisation and generates ideas that are, therefore, not traceable to any particular individual mind in the hive.

The theory seems nice, and accords with evolution and so on, but it is often quite hard to identify any such emergently brilliant ideas, since the first thing that anyone will do should they stumble on a brilliant idea is to claim credit for it.

What we are left with, therefore is a welter of transparently preposterous ideas that emerge unbidden from the hive mind without anyone claiming credit for them.

Debt value adjustments. Mark-to-market accounting for non-existent forward markets. Performance appraisals. SMART goals. Non-fungible tokens.

These ideas will persist and flourish as long as plausible livelihoods can be made out of them, but they have a habit of imploding, catastrophically. Here is where the hive mind comes into its own: as an emergent property of a superbrain, they are no-one’s fault.

The exploding whale

For a more distant example, take the celebrated exploding whale of Lane County, Oregon, from 1970. See the entertaining news report in the panel.

What is most amazing here is not that onlookers, held behind barriers a quarter of a mile away, had to run for their lives while brick-sized lumps of stinking, fetid, whale flesh rained down on them from from the sky, but that no-one — not the highways authority, not the project manager, not the forklift driver, not the reporter, not the film crew, not the gelignite vendor, not those hundreds and hundreds of spectators, fleeing for their lives — not one asked: “you are proposing to detonate a rotting sperm whale with half a ton of dynamite. Have you completely lost your mind?”

Well, one man did, and this is where the irony gets positively Homeric. That fellow, one Walter Umenhofer, was a military veteran with explosives training. He came to the area to take advantage of a “Get a Whale of a Deal!” promotion in a nearby car dealership.

When he heard the plan, he warned anyone who would listen that half a ton of dynamite was far too much. Umenhofer suggested 4 kg would be enough.

The hive mind knew best: his advice went unheeded.

Miraculously no-one was hurt during the blast, which showered a radius of half a kilometre with brick-sized bombs of rotten blubber .

There was just one casualty: a brand new Oldsmobile Regency 98, that day acquired by one Walter Umenhofer, and parked up while he beseeched the project manager not to be so stupid, was flattened by a hunk of meat the size of a truck tyre.

A whale of a deal, indeed. ==See also==

References

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