Let’s take it offline: Difference between revisions
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1. (''[[Buzzword]]''): A sure sign, in an [[all-hands conference call]] , that some ''ingénue'' has made the fatal mistake of dropping through the | 1. (''[[Buzzword]]''): A sure sign, in an [[all-hands conference call]] , that some ''ingénue'' has made the fatal mistake of dropping through the cloud-base of [[cliché]] into the inconvenient world of [[Subject matter expert|substance and detail]] — a grim place of intractable ugliness inhabited by dark and violent [[Morlock|morlocks]] and immune to resolution by crystalline [[Management consultancy|management theory]]. You have as much chance of persuading a [[management consultant]] to embrace the actual workings of daily life as you have persuading someone who quite likes steak to help you slaughter a cow. | ||
Fortunately, there’s a ready-made defence. Expect a hasty plea to “[[take it offline]]” which, by tonal inflection, you might read as: | Fortunately, there’s a ready-made defence. Expect a hasty plea to “[[take it offline]]” which, by tonal inflection, you might read as: | ||
*(''benign'') “Let’s set aside some time to [[drill down]] into detail just the two of us, sort it out, and [[circle back]] with a bit more [[granularity]] later in the day”; or | *(''benign'') “Let’s set aside some time to [[drill down]] into detail just the two of us, sort it out, and [[circle back]] with a bit more [[granularity]] later in the day”; or | ||
*(''neutral'') “Ugh — let’s [[kick the can down the road]] and maybe something else will intervene<ref> | *(''neutral'') “Ugh — let’s [[kick the can down the road]] and maybe something else will intervene<ref>“Such as, ooh, I don’t know, the redundancy of the clot who asked that idiotic question?”</ref> to mean we never have to figure out the answer to that”; or | ||
*(''hostile'') “How about you just shut your cake-hole and let the [[change management]] [[workstream]] lead run the project, [[Counsel|counselor]]?” | *(''hostile'') “How about you just shut your cake-hole and let the [[change management]] [[workstream]] lead run the project, [[Counsel|counselor]]?” | ||
Revision as of 16:21, 14 February 2019
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Conference Call Anatomy™
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1. (Buzzword): A sure sign, in an all-hands conference call , that some ingénue has made the fatal mistake of dropping through the cloud-base of cliché into the inconvenient world of substance and detail — a grim place of intractable ugliness inhabited by dark and violent morlocks and immune to resolution by crystalline management theory. You have as much chance of persuading a management consultant to embrace the actual workings of daily life as you have persuading someone who quite likes steak to help you slaughter a cow.
Fortunately, there’s a ready-made defence. Expect a hasty plea to “take it offline” which, by tonal inflection, you might read as:
- (benign) “Let’s set aside some time to drill down into detail just the two of us, sort it out, and circle back with a bit more granularity later in the day”; or
- (neutral) “Ugh — let’s kick the can down the road and maybe something else will intervene[1] to mean we never have to figure out the answer to that”; or
- (hostile) “How about you just shut your cake-hole and let the change management workstream lead run the project, counselor?”
2. (Informal): Lawyer slang for “You are a total moron”.
3. (Informal): Lawyer slang for “I am a total moron”;
Plain English Anatomy™ Noun | Verb | Adjective | Adverb | Preposition | Conjunction | Latin | Germany | Flannel | Legal triplicate | Nominalisation | Murder your darlings
References
- ↑ “Such as, ooh, I don’t know, the redundancy of the clot who asked that idiotic question?”