Shall

A verb that seems so safe — so forensic — fusty, old-fashioned, stolid, goodie-two-shoes — but yet so tantalisingly vague.

Vague in that “shall” can be an airily floated aspiration for the future — “I say,” said Jenkins, absent-mindedly knocking out his pipe on a passing child’s head, “I do believe I shall go to the theatre tonight!” — but just as easily can be a stentorian direction to an underling to carry out a binding duty: “You shall do the dishes, young lady, and you shall do them NOW”.

Lawyers like the latter formulation, a lot, and spray it around as if they're standing behind a Gatling gun loaded with shalls. But here's the problem: conjugation. A wilful shall to me is a stentorian shall to you. You can’t spray the word around willy nilly.

Airily floated future aspiration	Stentorian command
I shall You will He she or it will We shall You will They will	I will You shall He she or it shall We will You shall They shall

If, in other words, you’re going to be a dick about it, then you have to be careful which you mean, especially if you are one of these new age folk who like to write contracts in the first and second person. There again, if you’re one of those, you’re not likely to be using any kind of shall in the first place, because “must” or “will” will do, and they won’t make you sound like quite such an egg. Plain English Anatomy™ Noun | Verb | Adjective | Adverb | Preposition | Conjunction | Latin | Germany | Flannel | Legal triplicate | Nominalisation | Murder your darlings