Nosferatu

From The Jolly Contrarian
Revision as of 19:18, 23 February 2020 by Amwelladmin (talk | contribs)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The Jolly Contrarian’s Glossary
The snippy guide to financial services lingo.™
Mr. Nosferatu discussing passive investment strategies with a client yesterday
Index — Click the ᐅ to expand:
Tell me more
Sign up for our newsletter — or just get in touch: for ½ a weekly 🍺 you get to consult JC. Ask about it here.

Known to followers of the Good Man as the Dark Lord of the Swaps, Nosferatu was a Romanian broker/dealer, headquartered high in the Carpathian mountains, not far from Făgăraș.

He — or it — was an intermediate broker for Lehman brothers and MF Global. It had a long and magnificent history, first clearing Transylvanian futures for the Medicis and Rothschilds, only to meet a sticky end when tulip mania finally broke in 1637. But, miraculously, it lived on, in boxes of sacred earth, only to wreak a similar hell on undercapitalised American brokers in 2008.

He — I mean it — then disappeared again, but is rumoured to have been long cultivating an undead army of phantom ISDAs who lie upon the dead earth as spores, and the prophecies of the Good Man make plain will, in a sign of the forthcoming day of summary judgment, once again rise up and lay unholy waste to the Godless capital markets of the world.

If you find a chap with Arthur Andersen, Enron, Lehman and MF Global on his CV, don’t call him Lucky. Call him Phantom der Nacht.

See also