Management consultant: Difference between revisions
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One of those people with an [[MBA]] who is profoundly deaf to protest “that is easier said than done”, largely because a [[management consultant]]’s role is to ''say'', while some other poor sap is expected to ''do''. | One of those people with an [[MBA]] who is profoundly deaf to protest “that is easier said than done”, largely because a [[management consultant]]’s role is to ''say'', while some other poor sap is expected to ''do''. | ||
In ordinary Euclidian [[space-time]], there is a simple formula — not quite as elegant as ''E = MC<sup>2</sup>'', but close | In ordinary Euclidian [[space-time]], there is a simple formula — not quite as elegant as ''E = MC<sup>2</sup>'', but close — which sets an immutable bound on the minimum time (''t'') required for a management consultant’s “output” (''∞'') to be implemented<ref>Careful: a management consultant’s output is ''never'' called a “recommendation”: The art of [[management consultancy]] is to carry out countless chargeable hours precisely ''without'' doing that: the key is to elicit ideas ''from your client'' as to what to do, responsibility for which, when inevitably they fail, can safely be laid at the client’s own door.</ref>, which must be longer than the maximum theoretical length (''L'') of the [[management consultant]]’s engagement (''e'''). | ||
:''T∞ >L<sub>e'</sub>'' | :''T∞ >L<sub>e'</sub>'' | ||
A management consultant will necessarily be long gone and onto | A [[management consultant]] will necessarily be long gone and onto {{sex|his}} next job well before it becomes clear that the changes that were implemented as a result of his consultancy are a disaster (again, be careful never to describe these as “recommendations”: A management consultant can ask open questions by which a firm can navigate its own way to “water”, but it cannot make it drink). When the enormity of the situation has descended upon all [[stakeholder]]s you will not see him for dust. Someone’s posterior will be required for kicking, and most likely it will be the [[head of the documentation unit]]. | ||
{{dramatis personae}} | {{dramatis personae}} | ||
{{c2|Astrophysics|Egg}} | {{c2|Astrophysics|Egg}} | ||
{{ref}} | {{ref}} | ||
Revision as of 16:55, 24 August 2017
One of those people with an MBA who is profoundly deaf to protest “that is easier said than done”, largely because a management consultant’s role is to say, while some other poor sap is expected to do.
In ordinary Euclidian space-time, there is a simple formula — not quite as elegant as E = MC2, but close — which sets an immutable bound on the minimum time (t) required for a management consultant’s “output” (∞) to be implemented[1], which must be longer than the maximum theoretical length (L) of the management consultant’s engagement (e').
- T∞ >Le'
A management consultant will necessarily be long gone and onto his next job well before it becomes clear that the changes that were implemented as a result of his consultancy are a disaster (again, be careful never to describe these as “recommendations”: A management consultant can ask open questions by which a firm can navigate its own way to “water”, but it cannot make it drink). When the enormity of the situation has descended upon all stakeholders you will not see him for dust. Someone’s posterior will be required for kicking, and most likely it will be the head of the documentation unit.
Dramatis personae: CEO | CFO | Client | Employees: Divers · Excuse pre-loaders · Survivors · Contractors · The Muppet Show | Middle management: COO · Consultant · MBA | Controllers: Financial reporting | Risk | Credit | Operations | IT | Legal: GC · Inhouse counsel · Docs unit · Litigator · Tax lawyer · US attorney Lawyer | Front office: Trading | Structuring | Sales |
References
- ↑ Careful: a management consultant’s output is never called a “recommendation”: The art of management consultancy is to carry out countless chargeable hours precisely without doing that: the key is to elicit ideas from your client as to what to do, responsibility for which, when inevitably they fail, can safely be laid at the client’s own door.